Dismal weather, dismal mood

The mood is as dismal as the weather.
Yesterday, Toshiya said,"You seem to be depressed these days." "Really? I behave as usual," I said. "No, it's not the truth. What's the matter?"
To tell the truth, I'm not sure. Perhaps there exists a reason, no, there should be a reason. Seldom has others found my sorrow which is disguised with a smile. I seem to be happy, maybe. I skip classes, go to play, go shopping with friends. I don't know what I'm doing these days and I don't know what I want to change or how to change the situation, either. In spite of the smile, I have a sense of crying.
I laugh at myself, fool.
The sun will be shining tomorrow. But, what about my mood?